Chatty Kathy's Chat Line @ Wellness by Design

Kathy E. Brooks, Ed.M, Life Coach

CHIT AND CHAT

Q:
I am in the process of leaving my job to start a new career. I am over 40 years old and I need advise as to how I can get back into the job market and have success.
A:
Take inventory of your talents and passions byway of brainstorming and writing them all down. Next, write down all the skills required to execute of these passions. Finally, realistically account if these passions can translate into a viable occupation that will provide sufficient income. Will you need additional training to facilitate that career move? You will be surprised by the many skills you already have and how you can use them to work in an occupation that you will find exciting, fulfilling and financially rewarding. The only thing left to do is, as Nike says, “Just do it!” Good luck and God bless.

Q:
I am a middle-aged working housewife who has been married for nine years. I have a very stressful job. My husband has had a series of health problems, but has recovered from them all. I also have a small catering business and a skin care business that I ventured into recently. My goal is to be able to catch up bills and always have some money coming in, even if it is a small amount each month. I guess my question is what is going on with me! I am always worried and do not like bills piling up. I am a very strong woman, but with my husband's recent health problem, I seem to not be able to handle of the life traumas as I used to handle. I need a break and someone to vent to so I can get my thoughts and life back on track. Can you help me?
A:
Firstly, it is absolutely normal to be stressed by mounting debt. I can think of two steps to conquering your troubles and distressing.1) Make a list of all debts, your monthly income, and your monthly household bills (rent, utilities, food, etc). Figure how much you can afford to attribute toward the outstanding debt. Next, call all creditors and make payment arrangements that you can realistically keep. It may be a lengthy task, but just by doing so, your level of stress will decrease.2) Make a choice between the catering and the skin care career and begin to concentrate your attentions toward that end; Which will actually result in a viable career? I will guess you are most passionate about the catering. If I am incorrect, substitute the skin care business for the catering in my response. Begin to gather a wide variety of recipes and practice them until you are satisfied with the results. Next, get your name out there! Word of mouth is the best advertisement for the already established. You need PR to establish your business. Try brochures you can leave at markets, malls, etc., create a webpage to advertise your offerings, take all gigs offered. Put the profits from your business toward your debt relief. Once the debts are eliminated, you will have less stress, more experience in your new career, and ... EXTRA MONEY!!!

Q:
I don't feel that my $#@! boyfriend carves enough time for me out of his busy schedule. I can only be sure to reach him at work since he is busier than a little bit and no longer has a cell phone. I am starting to feel like I'm a stalker (one sided relationship). He calls in the evenings on occasion, but not nearly often enough.
A:
He isn’t interested. No one is that busy. An adult in a committed relationship knows the most important element to sustaining the relationship is remaining in contact and maintaining open communication. This man offers neither. Get out, meet new men, and forget this dude. He is seeing someone else, living with someone else, or (gulp) married. Regardless, none of these scenarios is beneficial to you and your well-being.

Q:
How do I manage to keep it all together (career, family, children, etc)? To paraphrase a book title "What does one do when everyone wants a part of you and there is nothing left to give"? I know God gives renewed strength but at the end of some days, I have nothing left to give. All I want to do is rest to renew for the next day. I’ve given out, scrapped up, solved out, multi tasked out, resolved out.
A:
You are NOT superwoman. You cannot do it all. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. You work at least (8) hours per day, leaving (16) for everything else. You have young children who require the attention and quality time from their parents. Sharing cooking, cleaning, housework, childcare, etc. can free up a little time to maintain your relationship with your husband. Sharing is the strength God gives in marriage. Accept it. Demand it. It is your destiny.

Q:
I have been married for 20 years and have never been more unhappy. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, and wouldn't trade them for the world, - they are what keep me going. My husband is a wonderful father and an attentive husband - which makes this situation very difficult. For most of the marriage, I admit, I was not happy, but chose to sacrifice who I was and changed my behavior to keep the peace. My husband and I are complete opposites and I probably should have ended the marriage years ago, but was frozen -afraid of the impact on my kids and the reaction of my spouse. At the time of the marriage, I knew I had made a grave mistake, but thought that time would resolve all issues and I would grow to love him, as a wife should. I think I settled and continued to go through the motions because we had children immediately - and that did help the marriage for many years. My children are now practically grown and no longer require my emotional support as much as they used to. Honestly, they are closer to me than they are to their Dad, but I want them to have a close relationship with him and encourage that. Despite the fact that they constantly confide in me as to his anger and meanness. He has never hurt them in anyway, but is extremely jealous of their relationship with me. I am now at a crossroads - Do I leave and chose peace of mind OR stay and do what's right in the eyes of God? What a dilemma, huh? I wrestle with this question each and everyday. The is no foreseeable way to recapture the love (or semblance there of) that once existed. Too much wrongdoing, jealously, selfishness, and uncontrollable anger has ruined any chance for that.
A:
Your happiness has been sacrificed too long. Neither you, your husband, or your children have benefited from your sacrifices. I suggest you have a family meeting and openly discuss your feelings. Your children are old enough to understand they are not at fault for your unhappiness. Your husband is surely aware of your unhappiness. Discuss your plans to maintain a sense of family while separating from your primary relationship. You have sacrificed enough. Now, go and seek happiness. Life is short..